Unrequited Love

According to the highly used Wikipedia, unrequited love is   "love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep affections." Well, in my case the so-called beloved is always aware of my deep affections because I am one of those maidens who wears their hearts on their sleeves. Actually, it's proving to be quite a disadvantage to me. But I find when I'm the strictly-business-don't-mess-with-me Ice Queen I don't get hurt, but then again I don't get to be the sweet-kind-and-caring Loving Princess (which is easier for me to be). I feel though that the latter personality is taken advantage of while the former seems strange to those around me. Finding the balance is proving to be a more than difficult task.

What does this have anything to do with unrequited love? Well, with my heart on my sleeve I seem to catch the attention of some lovely brother out there who happily strings me along and while I fall in love he shares with me his future plans, which, of course, don't involve me. I help him do his level best to make those plans a reality, and more often than not they succeed. And what am I left with? A broken heart! If I could give myself an honorary doctorate it would be in Unrequited Love. Been there, done that, got the emotional scars (the t-shirt would be too exposing).

Here's more from Wikipedia on unrequited love:

"As the literary selections suggest, the inability to express and fulfill emotional needs may lead to feelings such as depression, low self-esteem, anxiety and rapid mood swings between depression and euphoria. A universal feeling, by some estimates affecting 98% of all people during their lifetimes, unrequited love has naturally been a frequent subject in popular culture.


"The object of unrequited love is often a friend or acquaintance, someone regularly encountered in the workplace, during the course of work or other activities involving large groups of people. This creates an awkward situation in which the admirer has difficulty in expressing his/her true feelings, as a romantic relationship may be inconsistent with the existing association; revelation of the lover's feelings might invite rejection, cause embarrassment or might end all access to the beloved.


"In terms of the feelings of the hopeful one, it could be said that they undergo about the same amount of pain as does someone who is going through the breakup of a romantic relationship without ever having had the benefit of being in that relationship. On the other hand, some research suggests that the object of unrequited affection experiences a variety of negative emotions, including anxiety, frustration and guilt."

Question: Why am I wasting my time, emotions, mental, physical and spiritual health on someone who's clearly living their life like it's golden? And if you're in the same situation, why are you wasting your time? Depression has been my best friend, low self-esteem has been the norm in my life. Suddenly happy, suddenly sad...  and what for? A guy that shows no real interest in me? Why do I take it? Why do you take it? Why do we go through all that drama? I've gone from performing many acts of kindness and service out of love to planning my whole life around someone who's made their own plans in life... When is it my turn?

I had a thought the other day and I asked myself why am I not content with the love of Christ? He's such a gentleman, never forces me to do anything I don't want to do. He never hurts me, never lets me give so much of myself in vain. Infact, He gives, and gives and gives over and over again. When I turn my back on Him He's always there waiting for me, His beloved, to come back to Him. In fact, He goes out to find me wherever I am so He can bring me back home. He always pursues me with His love, and yet here I am chasing the wind. Maybe it's the physical affection I lack: someone to wipe the tears from my eyes, to gently stroke my cheeks, or give me that hug that assures me that everything will be ok... Or maybe I've just watched too many movies! The point is I've been giving my life, my love my plans to men who have trampled me underfoot. Now I'm learning to give it to The Man Christ Jesus. And no, He's not my "fall-back-guy"... He's been there for me through it all. In His hands surely only goodness can come from His Pure Love. It's scary, and I don't know why, but it's a step I'm willing to take.

Until next time, so let it be written...